I Am Asking Aaron Rodgers, Once And For All, To Leave My Team The Fuck Alone
This morning I received what appeared to be blessed confirmation from NFL insider Tom Pelissero that the Minnesota Vikings were officially out of the Aaron Rodgers (snickering) sweepstakes. I had waited far, FAR too long for this news to drop. The Rodgers-Vikings connection only made sense to media members carrying water for a desperate, jobless Rodgers, and to casual observers who remembered Brett Favre joining the team in 2009. To everyone else, nearly all Vikings fans included, any suggestions that the team might be interested in Rodgers was as nonsensical as it was enraging. So I was grateful to Pelissero for putting the kibosh on all of that speculation and allowing me, at last, to bask in what has been a remarkable offseason for my team.
But Rodgers, like herpes, is a virus that refuses to die once inside your system. So here came Dianna Russini of The Athletic, vehemently attempting to keep the story alive by reporting that Minnesota was “simply not making a decision at this time.” That report, I could write off with ease, but then Vikings beat reporter Kevin Seifert of ESPN filed this report, buttressed by sources in Eagan, that officially kept the door 0.00000000000001 inches ajar
It’s easy enough to translate this shit. J.J. McCarthy is QB1 for the Vikings. He damn near won the job last preseason before a torn meniscus put him in dry dock, and head coach Kevin O’Connell has played up the speed at which McCarthy has recovered in the months since. Should McCarthy get hurt again this offseason—perhaps because Mike Silver decided to run over the kid with his car—then sure, it would make sense to make a desperation booty call for a veteran quarterback. It only makes sense to keep all of their options open, which is what they essentially told Seifert.
But Rodgers isn’t just a veteran quarterback. He’s also washed as shit, needy, and the most publicly annoying man in the world. That makes any bare-bones report that he maybe almost kinda sorta might end up in Minnesota sound both farcical and annoying. SO annoying, particularly now that the Vikings are putting the finishing touches on a masterful rebuilding plan that started in 2022.
